i don’t come from a writing background but i thought sharing experiences i’ve had in different situations will be helpful as part of a healing process.
as a disclaimer though, my views are my own based on what i experienced and how i grew up making sense of the world around me.
– i only speak for myself in terms of what I felt in the moment and how my mind made sense of the information I received from others’ verbal and non-verbal expressions.
– i have only listened to my intuition, something that grew stronger as the years went by. how I’ve begun to rely on it was by keeping an open mind when considering even the smallest of coincidences, the timing of when they would happen and keeping a mental log of all the things that have been said, done, seen and heard of. It might sound like overthinking but for me it’s like “connecting the dots” to help confirm something.
I could see how you consistently kept your promise by putting in the effort each time you had an opportunity. Then there was me who let fear hold me back from expressing my truth to you in return. I don’t blame you that you mistook my inability to communicate for disinterest, seeming like I didn’t give a flying &@*!# so you moved on. And here I am hating that I let fear win me over. Considering time has shown me that you wasn’t going to stay in my life, then why did the universe let me fall for you?
In extreme cases, it can cost you your life when you don’t act on what rings true to you as an individual.
Courage is the second step to actually see it through. You can have intuition but if you don’t have the courage then this can prevent manifesting your dreams into reality. However if your courage is challenged by the biggest obstacle there is which is being silenced by extremely dominating personalities, then being proactive is the third step. You’ll know if you’re dealing with such a personality if you start to feel uneasy around them as if they have your every body part and five physical senses tied to puppet strings that they have access to whenever they please in order to manipulate you.
In my case, I knew I wanted to address an issue straight away when hearing false words. Sadly that right moment slipped away for me to offer having a civilised discussion with them to clarify our misunderstandings and then reach an agreement on equal terms. Timing is absolutely important when it comes to resolving a situation brewing dangerously. If no immediate action is taken, unwanted and warped perceptions will form. And it will be hard to correct it at a later time thereby making things ultimately turn out negative.
That person walked away proudly after adamantly making a statement of what they felt was true. It seemed to me like that person was officially appointing themselves as superior and me inferior in that moment and so I found myself unable to respond in defiance that for me, the issue was actually about something else rather than what they perceived I was upset about.
I was in my mid to late teenage years, a time when most teenagers tend to be feisty and outspoken but I was not cut out that way. It was my shy character trait that made me hold back from speaking my truth. So the other person took it upon themselves to speak “my truth” for me. And before I knew it I was living the consequences they deemed fit for something I wholeheartedly did not intend for. It was the beginning of what was about to become the most suffocating and unforgiving relationship.
If you get an inkling that you could be deprived of your freedom, ambition or mental health, you need to decide between fixing the problem there and then or get out. First try to consistently solve the problem and if the person or person/s involved do not cooperate or it seems like they are committed to misunderstanding you then it’s time to do a u-turn. Even if it means you won’t be in decent circumstances. And even if it will logistically take a while to build your foundation properly the way you need it to be, that journey you can make for yourself will always be healthier for your mind, spirit and heart in the long run rather than living oppressed.
Have you ever seen something, then started thinking things without asking upfront (because of fear) if what you’ve been thinking is true? So you continue brainstorming ideas in your head and while doing so, you start to become emotionally attached to the ideas over a long period of time. But then you see it. Your heartbeat abruptly comes to a halt, you stare at the thing until the eyes become transfixed. It’s a quick but tremendous moment when all that emotional buildup over time comes crashing down to zero. It was never written in the stars for you. 🌠🖤